Last time I quickly looked at painting a person, creating a being, with words. I thought for this post I may as well look quickly at actually creating an environment, surroundings, a landscape in which to place that person. Speaking of landscape, you may want to look for brandon foster tulsa and owasso to see fantastic landscape designs that are perfect for your homes. A setting they can and have to react to, a place with it's own time, distinct objects, feelings, smells, colours and objects, all that the character will have maneuver, embrace, utilize, behave accordingly to, in order to paint the most vivid picture possible in the readers imagination.
This is another aspect of my writing I've really enjoyed in all honesty, but at the same time has proved slightly difficult. Working with a science fiction piece like I am, I can pretty much place my characters anywhere I want, in almost any time period I want, and given the breadth of the story I'm trying to tell, in any plane of reality I want. Whilst I've loved doing this, and no doubt will continue to, some times the scale of the structures I'm trying to describe can, I think, become a bit muddled, given my lack of any background in architecture and engineering.
However, I persevere and just go with the flow. Here's a couple of paragraphs, as an example, of a particularly large structure I try to bring to reality:
"He looked to his left and right again as they approached the Giga Studio, expanding out into the dessert for miles either side the structure was epic in scale. He grabbed at quick thoughts on how it stood, gargantuan like, in the desert, dominating nature, and his breath escaped from his chest into the cold air. He could just make out the sloping sides of the building and he stopped walking to look up, learning back on his heals to get the whole of the building in, carefully balancing himself, he remembered how he’d once seen one from a distance, during a brief period the Hovertrain had broken down and his cell walls had gone translucent. Almost beyond the breadth of his imagination it was difficult to understand how it could have been built, like a fresh-eyed innocent millennia ago being brought in front of the Great Pyramids of Giza for the first time, awe and fear both took their grip.
It stood with two monolithic trapezoid structures, at their base miles from side-to-side, about a mile thick and raising up thousands of feet into the air, as they came to a point, but falling short and leveling off, an epic and solid black cylindrical tube separated them by a few miles and penetrated both, protruding out the other side, the side at which Germany was now walking towards. It was motionless now but he knew how in a matter of hours the vast cylinder would be spinning slowly, and what would take place inside."
Please let me know if that makes any sense at all, what I'd really love is for you to quickly draw a picture of what you think it looks like and email it to me, ricgalbraith at gmail dot com, or upload it to Flickr or something and link to it in the comments section. That'd be ace. I think I'll definitely touch on this subject again in the future and i should let you know that if you need a party wall surveyor I'd recommend you to head right so that you can find it in the link.
This posts Aspirers Mark goes to Kelly Rigby, the brain child behind the She-Power site. Although there's so much more to this site than just the fiction side of things, in an effort to keep on track I'll just mention that there's a load of excellent short stories on there and that Kelly's main goal in 2008, in her own words, is to, 'write consistently and hopefully sell a short story or novel.'
She said that fear has held her back in the past, but hopefully that won't hold her back any longer. Best of luck to her with getting something published in 2008!
2 Comments
1 Kelly@SHE-POWER wrote:
Richard
Thanks for the link. I'm glad you're enjoyign my fiction.
Can I give you a little constructive advice? You have some great descriptive language in these two paragraphs but what really gets in the way of the image is your sentences run on too long. You use a lot of commas and don't stop often enough. This makes it hard to follow and impedes visualization. You also need to do a bit of editing. When in doubt, be sparse and use a full stop.
Example of a rewrite:
"He looked to his left and right again as they approached the Giga Studio. It expanded out into the desert for miles, the structure epic in scale. He grabbed at quick thoughts on how it stood, gargantuan like, in the desert, dominating nature. He could just make out the sloping sides of the building, and stopped to look up, learning back on his heals to get the whole building in. ,He remembered how he’d once seen one from a distance. The Hovertrain had broken down and his cell walls had gone translucent and there it was almost beyond the breadth of his imagination. (I really wasn't sure what you were trying to say at the end of this paragraph so that's what I mean by long sentences let our meaning down)
Richard, I hope it's okay that I've chirped up here. I'm just trying to help. I think we writers must practise, practise, practise and use every advice and tool we can to improve.
Enjoy your writing.
:) Kelly
2 Richard Galbraith wrote:
thanks very much for the comment kelly, really appreciate the time you took to read and actually do a little re-write.
I get told all the time that I dont use enough full-stops, instead opting for a 'stream of consciousness' type sentence, that can get very muddled at times. Definitely okay you did this! it's the whole point of the blog!